Ericksonian Relationship & Couple Counseling
( These pages reflect the views and practice of keith bibby
and are not intended to describe the work of other practitioners )
THE AIMS OF THERAPY
WHAT CAN THERAPY OFFER ?
HOW DOES THERAPY HELP ?
Difficulties in relationships are entirely normal; when these reach sufficient proportion the need for help is as normal as the need to visit a doctor or a dentist.
It often takes skilful enquiry from a trained professional to test and identify what is really going on. Also there are fundamental principles and ways of behaving which can be recognised in successful relationships. These can be learned and applied.
On the other hand this is not a formulaic or band-aid approach. What is happening, what exactly needs to be done and how, must be worked out specifically for each relationship.
In the emotional maelstrom of mutual antagonism people are generally unable to comprehend the lightning fast processes that occur in their conflicts - nor the range or subtle negative influences that lead to disastrous escalation. Sometimes, too, from what has every appearance of an untroubled surface there can be unexpected and un-comprehended outbreaks expressing a quiet desperation which has been held for years.
Professional help is often needed to demonstrate how you can learn to recognise, disentangle and simplify the complex web of actions and reactions and to identify the underlying themes and realities. This is not an easy thing to do. It requires very careful observation and skilful exploration - thorough enough to penetrate to the roots of the difficulty but not so long-winded as to exceed the patience of the participants.
The first aim is to arrive as quickly as possible at measures which the couple can implement at least to maintain the situation and prevent things from deteriorating further.
In the course of our exchanges and through the observations that you learn to make in your daily lives, you and your partner begin to identify your own resistant and runaway processes and the feelings that accompany these.
You learn to separate out the real from the imagined, to attach real meanings to what happens and through new understanding to discover how you can achieve things in a different way.
You help each other constructively to reveal and learn about each other's process. You become sympathetic to the difficulties each of
you has carried - and begin to recognise how these have played a part
in your joint runaway processes.
You find that you can help each other to recognise when such a disruptive pattern is beginning to run. You realise that, with your new skills you can STOP disruptive processes ! One or other of you can recognise a choice point and act differently - and help your partner to make a positive choice too !
You can begin to learn about successful ways of behaving and observe how, by doing the constructive thing, your sense of your self and your partner and your experience of togetherness begins to renew and develop in a very satisfying way.
Repeated success begins to re-build your confidence and trust and your
delight in yourselves and each other.
Progressively these much more productive patterns become a natural part of you and the way you live and relate !
Whilst one can say it is never too late to learn, learning later generally comes at a much higher price - both material and emotional !
So... why not ....
do something about it ...
and enjoy the benefits NOW !!
Copyright keith bibby august 2007 >> Return
